A Birthday poem honoring Meredith Montgomery McKay


Oh Meredith Montgomery McKay,

I not only love you because your gay,

I love you because you are wise,

It’s like you’re Gandolf in disguise,

(But if you were really Gandolf,

Your cloak would be Green,

And not just Green,

The brightest of greens anyone has ever seen.)

Oh Meredith Montgomery McKay,

I laugh out loud when I think of the day,

You flipped the fuck out over a spider,

To which I rolled my eyes and said “Jesus..It’s only a cricket..open thine eye‘s wider..”

You asked me “How did it get in my home, away from it’s thicket?”

I answered “How the fuck should I know why insects do what they must?”

You said “Get it out of my house before I grind it into the dust.”

And who could forget the day I was besieged by that evil curse,

And though I needed to spend $300.00 on a new coach purse.

As I contemplated, you calmly took the merchandise to hang up,

Gave me a coach key chain instead

and said

“This looks more like something you can afford.”

That put it into perspective and had me floored.

Oh Meredith Montgomery McKay,

On your 29th birthday,

No wait, we agreed,

It’s now more like 31-33,

It’s time to concede,

And face the reality that 29 just wouldn’t hold up,

When we are celebrating 66, drinking cosmo’s out of our Dixie cups.

Oh Meredith Montgomery McKay,

In reality this is what I wanted to say,

Thank you for always being one of my closest friends,

I know I can trust you always, and on you I can always depend,

That we love each other deeply, and this truth I will always keep.

So Happy Birthday,

I hope it was great,

And Friday’s coming up,

Stock up the bar,

There’s always the chance it will be really late,

And due to my inhibriation..I will not be going very far.

Love you, Love you (Can you tell I’ve been reading Dr. Faustus? I mean..Thine?? Really?)


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