The truth about Human Resources

She looks like she could be a total HR bitch right??

She looks like she could be a total HR bitch right??

When it comes to being suspicious regarding the true motivations between me and my corporate warden, no one inspires more question marks than the Human Resources Department. Simply put, we truly cannot discern which team they are batting for because these bitches bat for both. I have true disdain for HR. In my experience, HR has created more problems and dragged out more ridiculous situations than need be simply because I don’t believe they actually do anything all day but pick on people and shame them for their unfortunate human mistakes. It’s like you’re the horse with blinders on and they’re the rider with a carrot and you trot on trying to get the carrot then as soon as you turn your head they smack you upside it with the claw portion of a hammer then send your poor, broken, dead body down to the glue factory because did after all..turn your head when you were not supposed to.

My most damning experience happened years ago when I was in the midst of at odds with a manager. Being that I now understand why I was so upset but at the time being unable to express my true anger I called HR for help and in my naiveté expected they would rush in and try to mend the fences between us two so we could get on with our lives. Well, mend they sure did..on his end. Even though I rang the bell of contrition, my reward was to be slapped with a 1st warning due to unacceptable behavior. At this time the office was suffering a dramatic decrease in employees (huh they kept leaving?) which left me to handle the whole shitboat by myself while Mr. Manager was whisked away downtown because he was sooooo important and was managing 2 offices at the same time. I did the best I could to uphold the dignity of my position, however, with 2 fresh off the press employees the teller line was going to hell in a hand basket…fast. My ability to cope was dwindling everyday and I thought I was handling the best I could until I was called in for another conference between my manager, Ms. HR, and myself. Expecting good reviews, I got slapped again with a 2nd warning and quit on the spot. I could tell at this meeting no one was truly evaluating the position I was put into and HR was only listening to what Mr. Bigshot had to say. I like to think I beat him at his game that day. I like to think I left him in such dire straits with no experienced teller help that maybe I finally was appreciated and he had to roll over the thoughts that he pushed me too far. By the way he slammed my belongings in boxes and crammed whatever was mine in my vehicle the next morning I do believe justice was served.

Lesson Number 93-Don’t depend on Human Resources as the supreme court of the company you work for. Better yet..Don’t depend on them for anything at all!! They are a biased entity employed supposedly for you but working and fixing problems that suit the business in the end. Think about it this way. They’re like North Korea. They love to spend all this energy and money into propaganda geared towards earning your loyalty and respect for their department, then as soon as you put HR’s loyalty and respect to the test, they’ve got 50,000 soldiers waiting at your door to take you out. Here’s my advise. If you can solve your problems simply first by having a conversation with your manager and letting your manager know you understand there is an issue that needs fixing, great! Get the air cleared out between the two of you, that would be first best advised. If you need further advise, Cynthia Shapiro is perhaps my Human Resources hero. She wrote “Corporate Confidential” which gives an in-depth look at how corporations use their Human Resource departments and tactics to dispose of the “undesirable“ employee. She once was employed with Human Resources and wrote a book about what to watch out for. Every aspiring and existing professional should read this! I love her!! Finally, if you are still unable to solve the issue, move on!! Time to go. You will find something better once you write a stellar resume and send it everywhere. If you do make the decision to involve HR, have your resume ready and start sending it out asap!! Chances are that you have a good 2 weeks until you receive your last paycheck.


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